How to Speak Dating Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Phrases for Romance, Sex and Bad Behaviour

This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {